I couldn’t meditate for a long time. The noise was so loud, so overarching, so heavy, so intolerable. It was my acupuncturist who said “keep doing it anyway. It will be having some effect, even if it doesn’t feel like it”. It definitely didn’t feel like it, but I’m still so glad i kept at it (best I could).
Meditation has been so powerful that it changed my relationship with chronic pain and chronic suffering. I still had plenty of both for a long time after that to come😆 but I was no longer holding onto it, no longer feeling so angry and aggressive towards it. Which was immensely powerful enough to shift me on to a whole new path of hope and healing. I wish others knew of this power.
I understand this entirely. Part of the importance for me of being a meditation teacher is reassuring people that it’s ok to sit for just one minute if that’s all they can hold. There’s no doing it wrong. An awful lot of self and societal pressure is heaped on meditation and it has become (in some circles) almost a badge of something like achievement? Anyway. This made sense.
Also that Julian quote is one of my utter all time favourites and one I still hold onto in times of stress. Thank you for sharing it today!
This rings true to me. Over the years I’ve participated in a variety of meditation / mindfulness experiences. Especially in theatre classes at university. Sometimes the meditation was led in a way that I felt I was “failing” at it - which is a bit beyond the point.
Sometimes it would be a guided visualization. This was easier for me. My favorite was one where a theatre professor would guide us to visualize our body as wax that melted off our skeleton. It sounds gruesome, but it was incredibly relaxing.
Other times there would be too much rigidty and focus on breathing as a certain speed. I inevitably felt like a failure of a human who couldn’t even breathe right. The moment I think about breathing I completely forget how.
For me I find meditation in certain types of art - my recent chalkboard painting for instance. I think the state I was in watching the paint flow and not ruminating on anything is similar to the state that most people seek in meditation. I find it easier to achieve in action or observation.
I don’t think of watching bees and butterflies in the garden as meditation, but I feel so much better when I do. I think you are on to something.
Ooh I use that wax melting off the bones a lot Sarah! 😍
It might be useful to reframe meditation as not something we do, but a state that just exists always.
That’s why it’s ’lost’ the moment we ‘do’. 🫠I
If it helps, I’m told Buddhists don’t have the term meditating, only meditation.
If we say the focus on the breath, or a mantra, or a bee is not the meditation itself but rather a handrail into that state. And then it doesn’t matter the modality or whether we’re doing it right or wrong so much as just cherishing the moments when meditation does spontaneously arise in us. 🕯️
I sit in meditation every morning when I wake up, but lately I feel I’m doing it wrong. I do my best to focus, but this mind loves to wander. I think if I can focus for at least part of it, I’m doing better for myself than if I hadn’t done it at all. Love your suggestions too! I have not meditated with eyes open, but I may try that and refocus myself from inside to out.
Your post reminds me of my first experience of meditation. I was experiencing paralysing anxiety in the midst of exams and thought 'meditation might help'. So I took myself off to the London Buddhist Centre and joined a 30-minute lunchtime meditation class. I sat for the whole 30 mins having a full-blown panic attack but not feeling able to leave as I would disturb the class! I didn't return to meditation for a good few years after that. I eventually learned that I need to strengthen the muscle when things are calmer, in order to be able to access it when things are stormy. I'm glad I came back to it, meditation has changed my life in so many subtle and profound ways, but I definitely needed a gentler introduction 😊
Bless you Vicki. This is giving me anxiety just reading about it 😆 I have a similar recollection from a yoga teacher training morning meditation. The sense to override our own biology or experience for fear of what I wonder…looking foolish or just standing out?? It’s very real whatever it is.
Glad you found your way back to meditation. It sounds like you’ve
been very proactive in finding the tools you need. Even from that relatively young student age?? Unless you were a mature student?
Yep, I was in my early 20s then, but didn't return to a regular yoga and meditation practice until sometime in my 30s. It kept quietly calling to me somewhere in the background though 😊
I know what I am about to share was not the main point of your post, I love what you said about the only thing humans have to offer one another in each other’s presence. I find this is getting so lost in our modern, fast paced world. It is refreshing to hear.
Tangents or layers of observation always welcome Emma. It’s funny you should say that, my next post is about presence! I might even get it out into the world in the next hour but don’t hold me to that. 😅
I couldn’t meditate for a long time. The noise was so loud, so overarching, so heavy, so intolerable. It was my acupuncturist who said “keep doing it anyway. It will be having some effect, even if it doesn’t feel like it”. It definitely didn’t feel like it, but I’m still so glad i kept at it (best I could).
Meditation has been so powerful that it changed my relationship with chronic pain and chronic suffering. I still had plenty of both for a long time after that to come😆 but I was no longer holding onto it, no longer feeling so angry and aggressive towards it. Which was immensely powerful enough to shift me on to a whole new path of hope and healing. I wish others knew of this power.
I understand this entirely. Part of the importance for me of being a meditation teacher is reassuring people that it’s ok to sit for just one minute if that’s all they can hold. There’s no doing it wrong. An awful lot of self and societal pressure is heaped on meditation and it has become (in some circles) almost a badge of something like achievement? Anyway. This made sense.
Also that Julian quote is one of my utter all time favourites and one I still hold onto in times of stress. Thank you for sharing it today!
That’s lovey you’re able to reassure people Jen ☺️
I’m sure that must be strong motivation for you. Practicing ourselves so we can be of some solace to others. Beautiful stuff. 🥰
This rings true to me. Over the years I’ve participated in a variety of meditation / mindfulness experiences. Especially in theatre classes at university. Sometimes the meditation was led in a way that I felt I was “failing” at it - which is a bit beyond the point.
Sometimes it would be a guided visualization. This was easier for me. My favorite was one where a theatre professor would guide us to visualize our body as wax that melted off our skeleton. It sounds gruesome, but it was incredibly relaxing.
Other times there would be too much rigidty and focus on breathing as a certain speed. I inevitably felt like a failure of a human who couldn’t even breathe right. The moment I think about breathing I completely forget how.
For me I find meditation in certain types of art - my recent chalkboard painting for instance. I think the state I was in watching the paint flow and not ruminating on anything is similar to the state that most people seek in meditation. I find it easier to achieve in action or observation.
I don’t think of watching bees and butterflies in the garden as meditation, but I feel so much better when I do. I think you are on to something.
Ooh I use that wax melting off the bones a lot Sarah! 😍
It might be useful to reframe meditation as not something we do, but a state that just exists always.
That’s why it’s ’lost’ the moment we ‘do’. 🫠I
If it helps, I’m told Buddhists don’t have the term meditating, only meditation.
If we say the focus on the breath, or a mantra, or a bee is not the meditation itself but rather a handrail into that state. And then it doesn’t matter the modality or whether we’re doing it right or wrong so much as just cherishing the moments when meditation does spontaneously arise in us. 🕯️
Your intuition serves you well I’d say.
I sit in meditation every morning when I wake up, but lately I feel I’m doing it wrong. I do my best to focus, but this mind loves to wander. I think if I can focus for at least part of it, I’m doing better for myself than if I hadn’t done it at all. Love your suggestions too! I have not meditated with eyes open, but I may try that and refocus myself from inside to out.
Hey Mica! ☺️
My mind loves to wander too.
I just think of it like my stomach wants to be busy doing food-digesting-stuff and my mind wants to be busy with thought-digesting-stuff. 😆
I just figure they both know what they’re doing and let them crack on. 😂
Slowly over time I take less and less notice but the wandering never really stops.
Interesting you feel like a change of routine. 🤔
Sometimes our little ego-structures like to squirm about a bit just when things are about to get interesting. 😆
You might just want to persevere with your current practice for another 6months or so and see where you’re at with it??
I could be wrong (I usually am 😂) but it sounds like you might be on the cusp of something. ❤️
I love the analogies!! I’ll stick with it then and see what happens. 😀 Thank you for the advice!
Your post reminds me of my first experience of meditation. I was experiencing paralysing anxiety in the midst of exams and thought 'meditation might help'. So I took myself off to the London Buddhist Centre and joined a 30-minute lunchtime meditation class. I sat for the whole 30 mins having a full-blown panic attack but not feeling able to leave as I would disturb the class! I didn't return to meditation for a good few years after that. I eventually learned that I need to strengthen the muscle when things are calmer, in order to be able to access it when things are stormy. I'm glad I came back to it, meditation has changed my life in so many subtle and profound ways, but I definitely needed a gentler introduction 😊
Bless you Vicki. This is giving me anxiety just reading about it 😆 I have a similar recollection from a yoga teacher training morning meditation. The sense to override our own biology or experience for fear of what I wonder…looking foolish or just standing out?? It’s very real whatever it is.
Glad you found your way back to meditation. It sounds like you’ve
been very proactive in finding the tools you need. Even from that relatively young student age?? Unless you were a mature student?
Yep, I was in my early 20s then, but didn't return to a regular yoga and meditation practice until sometime in my 30s. It kept quietly calling to me somewhere in the background though 😊
Oh that’s lovely. Both patiently waiting for each other. ☺️
I know what I am about to share was not the main point of your post, I love what you said about the only thing humans have to offer one another in each other’s presence. I find this is getting so lost in our modern, fast paced world. It is refreshing to hear.
Tangents or layers of observation always welcome Emma. It’s funny you should say that, my next post is about presence! I might even get it out into the world in the next hour but don’t hold me to that. 😅
I cannot wait to read it whenever it comes 😀
Oh thank you that’s very kind!
Beautiful share ❤️