Do you find meditation scary?

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I once got so scared during my meditation I ended up lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

I now know that this was my nervous system being triggered.

I was in that state, people call, "fight or flight”.

I'd been anxious for so long and was sick of running from unknown demons. I told myself, "Whatever happens during this meditation, I'm staying put".

My mind was racing and every fibre in my body wanted to jump up and bolt out the door. My ego tried every trick in the book to get me to move. It almost convinced me that washing the dishes was more important than whatever was happening right here, right now, in my own body.

When I'm anxious I usually like the Julian of Norwich phrase…

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”

Julian was a badass and had near death experiences so she wasn't just speaking from a book or what she’d been told.

But this time, even Julian couldn't help me...

The only comfort and safety I could find was from feeling into the cushion behind my head and the solid floor supporting my back.

I don't know if I passed out eventually, but I do remember gradually becoming aware of a great sense of calm.

It was familiar, but also strange because it was so long since l'd ever felt this kind of peace.

Nothing really had changed. I'm not now living like a Buddha. I'm still a big ball of human mess but I do have more trust in Julian's 'All will be well' statement. I have felt her words in my own body.

Would I recommend anyone else try this approach.

Absolutely. Not.

It's just where I was led to, and what happened to me.

Today I sit in meditation every day without these intense episodes.

30mins in the morning.

30mins in the evening. Occasionally I can sit for 2hrs.

It feels nice.

We do so love lessons but i’m always hesitant to suggest humans have anything to offer other humans other than acknowledging each other’s presence

I guess if there's any lessons at all from this is simply that it's quite normal for mediation to be a scary place.

You're not doing it wrong.

Starting with Meditation

Perhaps the safest way to start with meditation is not to focus on your inner world (where all the intense sensations like a fast heart rate and shallow breath, tight muscles are) but to gently focus on the outside world.

If you're indoors, a plant works well.

Allow your eyes to wander around the room and let them settle where they feel drawn.

Take a few breaths just observing. Maybe you begin to wonder what it's like to be that plant.

If you can get out into fields then watching the grass or trees gently sway in the breeze can be lovely.

But even this can be a scary place to start. That’s fine.

Consider finding a teacher or a therapist that has good testimonials.

It's natural to be scared by high winds or maybe a police siren or something else unexpected sets you off.

Just remember to come back to feeling your feet on the ground.

That's where l'd like to leave it I think.

Feel your feet on the ground.

All will be well.

Signing off with presence

David

Notes: The world is a confusing place. Be mindful that my words offer more confusion, not less. It’s important to look in-between the words. It’s in those spaces where you’ll find your own story, the things you’re here to learn, and the love you’re yet to give.