Well that headline that might rival the most click-bait sounding headline ever used. But rest assured, I'm here to deliver on the promise it holds. So, get ready as I unravel the secrets behind my wife's Substack success… Shit & Love is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
“if my mates tell me they can’t afford therapy I tell them well that’s all the more reason you need therapy because what you’re telling me is you have very little resources on which to draw upon.” I love this and not least because what I see others often doing is acknowledging the position they are in but almost to the point of apology. As though if they have a partner to support them financially makes the deep inner work and the mammoth choices that we have to make around life-changing decisions and bringing in the support and help we need any easier. But also the point that someone saying they can’t afford something really means they feel they don’t have the resource and aren’t the resourceful human beings that they are 👏👏👏
This was a last minute edit and I nearly didn’t keep it in. You know me I’m hesitant to point people in a particular direction. Rather just to pay attention to the unfolding that’s already happening around you. I’m not sure you can convince a horse to drink even if it’s thirsty. Mainly just trying to normalise ‘going for therapy’. ☺️💖
I love the work Claire does and I love this piece - so many things here to read a few times!
Also tell anyone who will listen to access therapy if they can!
I think what strikes me in particular is the authenticity in it all. This can be a challenge when it's digital but both here and with Claire / Sparkle it's authentic.
I'm heavily trying to be as authentic as possible with mine and with my interactions because I feel when you are, when you are vulnerable, it can only allow others to be too and to find where they belong.
Thank you Casper. Appreciate your taking the time to leave a lovely long comment. Not to mention perseverance through my meandering post. 😆
It sounds like we’re on completely the same page. I air a lot of the messy parts of being human because my hope is that it helps readers take a more relaxed breath. Maybe even a sigh of relief.
Yes to normalising therapy (acknowledging it’s not a golden bullet)
Especially in the UK and especially for men the idea of going to talking therapy or even a yoga class is terrifying.
Appreciate the link - I’ll get round for a gander through the week 🤞🏼💖
Haha must most of my mates would literally sign up to a 100mile run before going to therapy. 😂
Yoga can be quite extreme even in moderate classes :/ human bodies are primed for movement - static stretches less so. You’d be better off finding a decent PT to work on your core strength. Then when you go to a yoga class you know how to move with integrity. 🤔
If you’re good for deadlifts it’s likely your core strength is great.
It’s more likely a core stability thing. Which is more a balance and coordination thing.
Whatever it is it can be ‘improved’ through training.
Improved in inverted commas because we don’t need improving do we. 🥰🥰🥰
There’s a few folks who understanding the brain processing implications of neurodiversity. Basically we want to incorporate activities that cross the midline of the body - thus activating communication between both hemispheres 🧠 (we could even consider these 2 brains taking to each other).
A tricky and frustrating process but hugely rewarding and fascinating in that this brain humming coordination song 🎶 seems to regulate our more anxious states.
Yeh I know when I do train, focusing on breathing and paying attention to how my body is moving, how my muscles feel etc can make everything else much quieter. Just the motivation in starting again I struggle with but it will come.
Thanks for the thoughtful and informative responses - enjoy your Sunday! 😀
Yeah I’m not sure that one is better than the other. More that the current balance is waaaaaaaay off. In fact they are seen as mutually exclusive which I don’t think is the case at all.
Yes, I agree. The masculine way has been over-privileged, so we need to shine a light on feminine models of success, leadership, ambition etc to restore that balance. I loved this about New Zealand's (now ex) prime minister, Jacinda Adern. I loved that she modelled a style of leadership that was strong and effective, whilst unashamedly embodying the feminine qualities of compassion, generosity, and leadership with heart.
"Lift your heart to the sky and keep your feet on the ground" is a beautiful mantra. Thank you. I feel it in my body.
Thank you Rahma that means the world to me. “Keep your feet on the ground” is a handrail on the dark that my teacher forever reminds me of. 🥰🙏✨
“if my mates tell me they can’t afford therapy I tell them well that’s all the more reason you need therapy because what you’re telling me is you have very little resources on which to draw upon.” I love this and not least because what I see others often doing is acknowledging the position they are in but almost to the point of apology. As though if they have a partner to support them financially makes the deep inner work and the mammoth choices that we have to make around life-changing decisions and bringing in the support and help we need any easier. But also the point that someone saying they can’t afford something really means they feel they don’t have the resource and aren’t the resourceful human beings that they are 👏👏👏
This was a last minute edit and I nearly didn’t keep it in. You know me I’m hesitant to point people in a particular direction. Rather just to pay attention to the unfolding that’s already happening around you. I’m not sure you can convince a horse to drink even if it’s thirsty. Mainly just trying to normalise ‘going for therapy’. ☺️💖
I love the work Claire does and I love this piece - so many things here to read a few times!
Also tell anyone who will listen to access therapy if they can!
I think what strikes me in particular is the authenticity in it all. This can be a challenge when it's digital but both here and with Claire / Sparkle it's authentic.
I'm heavily trying to be as authentic as possible with mine and with my interactions because I feel when you are, when you are vulnerable, it can only allow others to be too and to find where they belong.
https://open.substack.com/pub/thethoughtlibrary if anyone wants to gander
Thank you Casper. Appreciate your taking the time to leave a lovely long comment. Not to mention perseverance through my meandering post. 😆
It sounds like we’re on completely the same page. I air a lot of the messy parts of being human because my hope is that it helps readers take a more relaxed breath. Maybe even a sigh of relief.
Yes to normalising therapy (acknowledging it’s not a golden bullet)
Especially in the UK and especially for men the idea of going to talking therapy or even a yoga class is terrifying.
Appreciate the link - I’ll get round for a gander through the week 🤞🏼💖
Thanks for the love and support 🙏
Yoga is only terrifying because I have terrible core strength (I tried twice...) - talking about your feelings is easy in comparison 😉
Haha must most of my mates would literally sign up to a 100mile run before going to therapy. 😂
Yoga can be quite extreme even in moderate classes :/ human bodies are primed for movement - static stretches less so. You’d be better off finding a decent PT to work on your core strength. Then when you go to a yoga class you know how to move with integrity. 🤔
The only time you'll catch me running is if there are zombies and even then I'll just open my arms and proclaim 'just take me now' 😆
The last time I tried was when I was training regularly and probably had the best core but my flexibility is shocking and so I'd rather do deadlifts 😂
This is all to say any activity has been paused for a long time for many reasons so it's on the to do, as it's important for mental wellness.
Appreciate your reply 😊
Zombie apocalypse training now you’re talking! 😆
If you’re good for deadlifts it’s likely your core strength is great.
It’s more likely a core stability thing. Which is more a balance and coordination thing.
Whatever it is it can be ‘improved’ through training.
Improved in inverted commas because we don’t need improving do we. 🥰🥰🥰
There’s a few folks who understanding the brain processing implications of neurodiversity. Basically we want to incorporate activities that cross the midline of the body - thus activating communication between both hemispheres 🧠 (we could even consider these 2 brains taking to each other).
A tricky and frustrating process but hugely rewarding and fascinating in that this brain humming coordination song 🎶 seems to regulate our more anxious states.
Growth is always good 😊
Yeh I know when I do train, focusing on breathing and paying attention to how my body is moving, how my muscles feel etc can make everything else much quieter. Just the motivation in starting again I struggle with but it will come.
Thanks for the thoughtful and informative responses - enjoy your Sunday! 😀
Love your distinction between the masculine and feminine incarnations of success ❤️
Yeah I’m not sure that one is better than the other. More that the current balance is waaaaaaaay off. In fact they are seen as mutually exclusive which I don’t think is the case at all.
What’s your thoughts? ❤️
Yes, I agree. The masculine way has been over-privileged, so we need to shine a light on feminine models of success, leadership, ambition etc to restore that balance. I loved this about New Zealand's (now ex) prime minister, Jacinda Adern. I loved that she modelled a style of leadership that was strong and effective, whilst unashamedly embodying the feminine qualities of compassion, generosity, and leadership with heart.
That’s a great example!! 🤩
What a lovely ode to your wife. Thank you for this well written piece that encourages me to see the superpower in me too!
Aw thanks Mika! That’s wonderful to see yourself reflected in the piece. As I writer I couldn’t ask for any more. 🥹🙏💔
Aw thanks Mika! That’s wonderful to see yourself reflected in the piece. As I writer I couldn’t ask for any more. 🥹🙏💔
Oh yes this did deliver!
Particularly love
“Centre the reader in your writing but don’t leave yourself behind in your creative journey.
Remember that as much as you're helping others with your writing, you're also undergoing a powerful transformation of your own.”
Yes Claire is freakin awesome, I can’t get enough of her!
Thank you Sarina. We’re lucky to have your keen eye and open heart with us. 🤲🏼
Thank you Sarina. We’re lucky to have your keen eye and open heart with us. 🤲🏼