Resonating deeply with this. (I actually thought these were podcasts for some reason and have been waiting for a time to listen with headphones, but at least you have my full attention.) It's only in the last few years I've begun recognizing and articulating my own autistic needs (in regards a regulated nervous system.) It's so much work before you even ask for something. To recognize the need, to rewrite the stories, to find the words. That when you finally get the words out and they are misunderstood or shut down or (oh, so politely) ignored it is so frustrating. The fact that sometimes this work has to be done over and and over is exhausting.
But that is why it's so refreshing to connect with people who get it. Because then when we go out in the wild world and talk about different ways of being we feel less alone. And we realize its not just for ourselves we're advocating for. (Circling back to the big story of your last post.) And also realizing there was ways of being we are blind to and training ourselves to listen and be open to those.
So many layers to your writing Sarah. It’s beautiful. It’s like you’ve birthed a fully formed substack without even trying.
There’s a model in one of the trauma therapies that highlights the fact that some of our ‘parts’ are uncoachable. That is to say, they don’t respond to coaching but rather we have to wait and let them pass.
Over time our coachable centre may get better at heading off the things that spin us into our trauma patterns but once we’re in we just need to weather the storm.
That doesn’t mean giving up on our uncoachable parts. It just means we get to forgive ourselves more readily knowing we couldn’t have managed that episode any differently (better).
I’m not sure how helpful that sounds?? We can probably just call it compassion and put our self help books away. 😆
Would a podcast be better? Have you heard my accent? You’d need subtitles anyway. 😂 x
Haha! I wouldn't say without trying. I probably rewrote this 3 times. (Not uncommon for me.) But thank you. I find so many layers in your own writing there's always a lot to respond to.
Yes, I think this is true for trauma and meltdown / shutdowns. They aren't moral failures. They are our body's way of protecting itself. So we need more self compassion and less judgement. It's been a big reframe for me. Seeing it in a child has helped me have more self compassion when I reach the end of my own rope.
Share in the way that feels best, but might be fun to try a podcast. You could use Otter to make a transcript if you were worried about accent. I haven't heard yours, but the only accent that completely stumped me was a Glaswegian (how do you spell that!) bus driver. We were so lost. 😂😂😂
Oh Glaswegian is even faster again than Geordie. No wonder you were completely lost! 😂 They tend to use the F word 15times to each sentence just as a matter of course so it can come across aggressive 😅 I might try a podcast for funsies. 🦦
Haha! Yes! I get so confused on busses because they are number based and I have dyscalculia. Add the language barrier (it truly was a different language at the point) and I have no idea how we got anywhere at all, but it took hours. 😭
Yes, do try a podcast! It would be a fun experiment and you could see how lost we Americans get. 😂
Resonating deeply with this. (I actually thought these were podcasts for some reason and have been waiting for a time to listen with headphones, but at least you have my full attention.) It's only in the last few years I've begun recognizing and articulating my own autistic needs (in regards a regulated nervous system.) It's so much work before you even ask for something. To recognize the need, to rewrite the stories, to find the words. That when you finally get the words out and they are misunderstood or shut down or (oh, so politely) ignored it is so frustrating. The fact that sometimes this work has to be done over and and over is exhausting.
But that is why it's so refreshing to connect with people who get it. Because then when we go out in the wild world and talk about different ways of being we feel less alone. And we realize its not just for ourselves we're advocating for. (Circling back to the big story of your last post.) And also realizing there was ways of being we are blind to and training ourselves to listen and be open to those.
So many layers to your writing Sarah. It’s beautiful. It’s like you’ve birthed a fully formed substack without even trying.
There’s a model in one of the trauma therapies that highlights the fact that some of our ‘parts’ are uncoachable. That is to say, they don’t respond to coaching but rather we have to wait and let them pass.
Over time our coachable centre may get better at heading off the things that spin us into our trauma patterns but once we’re in we just need to weather the storm.
That doesn’t mean giving up on our uncoachable parts. It just means we get to forgive ourselves more readily knowing we couldn’t have managed that episode any differently (better).
I’m not sure how helpful that sounds?? We can probably just call it compassion and put our self help books away. 😆
Would a podcast be better? Have you heard my accent? You’d need subtitles anyway. 😂 x
Haha! I wouldn't say without trying. I probably rewrote this 3 times. (Not uncommon for me.) But thank you. I find so many layers in your own writing there's always a lot to respond to.
Yes, I think this is true for trauma and meltdown / shutdowns. They aren't moral failures. They are our body's way of protecting itself. So we need more self compassion and less judgement. It's been a big reframe for me. Seeing it in a child has helped me have more self compassion when I reach the end of my own rope.
Share in the way that feels best, but might be fun to try a podcast. You could use Otter to make a transcript if you were worried about accent. I haven't heard yours, but the only accent that completely stumped me was a Glaswegian (how do you spell that!) bus driver. We were so lost. 😂😂😂
Oh Glaswegian is even faster again than Geordie. No wonder you were completely lost! 😂 They tend to use the F word 15times to each sentence just as a matter of course so it can come across aggressive 😅 I might try a podcast for funsies. 🦦
Haha! Yes! I get so confused on busses because they are number based and I have dyscalculia. Add the language barrier (it truly was a different language at the point) and I have no idea how we got anywhere at all, but it took hours. 😭
Yes, do try a podcast! It would be a fun experiment and you could see how lost we Americans get. 😂
Don’t worry I’ll use my four weddings and a funeral voice. 😂
Parenting. Such a lense to revisit our own childhood patterns. It’s no wonder we’re all so exhausted. So many levels. Xx